Author Leonora Soculitherz

Dinosaurs, Wind Farms & Let’s Twist Again

Keep up won’t you – most websites that promote ‘how to successfully start and run your own business’ are sponsored by big companies and government bodies and written by people that are in jobs and have never started their own business. The advice is so yesterday. It is stuff from antiquity that belongs in a museum like my hopeless, but suitably ancient for a museum, agent – Tony Robinson OBE.

Most entrepreneurs I’ve met are looking for opportunities to make money all the time. If they followed the advice on these start up websites they wouldn’t just copy stuff and they’d be too late in getting the product or service to market and the opportunity would have gone.

Look at Loubi (Christian Louboutin to you), if he hadn’t read an article about a slashed out shoe with a red line, then thousands of rich women around the world wouldn’t have fallen off his killer heels to, legs in the air, show off his signature red soles.

Dear reader and fan, I want you to take a look at the mind of an entrepreneur. Let’s take one successful one, Stefan Topfer, Editor of this Small Business Blog and one unsuccessful one, the aforementioned aberration, Tony Robinson OBE. They have two things in common; they’re both badly dressed (fleeces – urgh) and they look for business opportunities all the time.

The Recycling Opportunity

So, yesterday, Robinson rang Topfer and the conversation went like this:

Robinson: I’ve just seen on the BBC News site that a scientist has proven that giant dinosaurs could have warmed the earth with their flatulence.
Topfer: Ja – I mean, so?
Robinson: Well, where is the equivalent place today where hundreds of dinosaurs, produce masses of hot air?
Topfer: In your House of Commons and House of Lords?
Robinson: Precisely and why will this supply of huge volumes of hot air continue ad infinitum?
Topfer: Would that be because it is mainly a boys club eating vast quantities of posh nosh provided by the City and the top 100 CEOs and one or two media moguls.
Robinson: Yeah that and their humongous expense accounts that they can spend on Big Macs and pasties. It makes you feel good to know that we can now recycle all that dinosaur fuel for the benefit of the people.
Topfer: Ja, I mean nein, I mean how?
Robinson: You’re fab at technology, do the math and turn Parliament into a massive great hot air heater channelling warmth into the council housing, parks, stations and shop doorways where those with no dosh to pay for heating live.

I won’t carry on – as Topfer told Robinson never to speak to him again. The point is that here are two dinosaurs discussing a business opportunity that utilises a source of natural energy that has been available for thousands of years. There’s nothing original here apart from the possible opportunity.

Stuff to ignore

So ignore the stuff on websites that is ‘conventional business guidance’. ‘How to come up with a great business idea?’, ‘How to pitch your idea to investors?’, ‘Getting finance’ ‘There’s a business in you’, ‘What needs to be in your business plan?’, ‘Get a mentor from a Bank or Corporate’ and ‘How to sell’. the enterprise essentials are much less complicated and far more common sense and natural than this guidance.

Most successful entrepreneurs that I’ve interviewed haven’t done any of the things that are regarded as ‘good business practice’. Most don’t like borrowing money, especially from banks. Their business planning is always in their head. Most of them are action rather than words people. They often copy and improve other people’s ideas and activities like crazy. The point is that time is money and opportunities come and go and they can’t be wasting time on this theoretical business stuff.

Instead, my advice to a start up, from my award winning series of entrepreneur interviews (see my book ‘Stripping for Freedom’) is:

Look for what customers want and are buying that you’d relish providing too.
Then, preferably by bootstrapping, check that you can afford to produce it as a product or service.
Then test market your product or service with its ‘twist’, like Louboutin’s red sole or, more likely, with an additional service that the competition aren’t providing.
Then from what you have learned launch your new business always remembering that you may need more products and services or even businesses to make the earnings you need to make.

Let’s Twist Again

This ‘copying and improving with a twist’ is important to the success of many entrepreneurs.

For example, the unique ‘twist’ that Stefan Topfer achieves with WinWeb is that he is absolutely passionate about beating the global competition not just by great cloud software and infrastructure but with exceptional customer service too. His customer service people are mentors. He’ll sack people that ‘sell’ his products and services as he believes in the customer buying what they choose that is absolutely right for them.

The great news is that everyone starting a business on their own can provide their own ‘twist’, a unique level of service, to support a product or service that customers already understand, want and need. Just get your offer out there as quickly as you can after testing it.

-Finis-

Getting into bed with the celebs

Not about frocks

Keep up won’t you; I’m not asking you to actually sleep with the celebs. I don’t allow anyone to sleep with me. Simon Cowell’s unofficial biography mentioned Dannii Minogue but not me. Yet, coincidentally, I also have a chic shorter ‘do and a couple of designer frocks with an of-the-moment statement shoulder.

No, what I want you to do is consider why government folk, like your Brit Prime Minister, David Cameron, choose celebrities and big company chiefs to advise them on promoting and supporting business start-ups. Put it another way: why don’t your government ask people who have started and are currently running micro businesses to advise them on enterprise policies?

For example, they could use Stefan Topfer instead. Stefan is the Editor of The Small Business Blog and is a highly successful entrepreneur. Then there’s my hopeless agent and highly unsuccessful entrepreneur, who still knows a thing or two about starting and running micro businesses, Tony Robinson OBE.

Not about self-employment

The answer to my question is ‘charisma’. This is something the glampreneurs and fat cats have but the aforementioned German and Yorkshireman do not. Perhaps they’re messy eaters too, especially with posh nosh. You see your government like to portray starting your own business as something anyone can do. In fact they want everyone to do it whilst the big corporates, that are running the country, lay off thousands of employees. It makes the unemployment figures look acceptable.

Furthermore, the Banks and Big Companies want the 6% of start-ups that become substantial businesses as their customers and the glampreneurs want to sell all the start-ups their books and events.

It is about aspiration

Celebrity spokespeople will stay ‘on message’ for government. On message is that entrepreneurs are sexy and wealthy but the self-employed are the great unwashed. On message is that successful start-ups need to invest in financial services (loans, insurance and pensions), utilities, technology, and management and business skills – plus have a volunteer mentor, who may not have started and run their own business, on their shoulder.

Government and corporate leaders legitimise these messages about enterprise, such as, ‘Business in You’, as important for ‘trough filling’. The trough is filled with lots of dosh from start ups buying lots from big companies, taxation and lack of pay out to the welfare state and corporate social responsibility. The public sector and big company leaders keep filling the trough even as they lay off thousands of their employees.

Off message

Business owners, like Stefan Topfer and Tony Robinson OBE, recommend an alternative approach which is that people starting a business are best to bootstrap, test trade, not borrow, and should spend most of their personal time winning customers and managing cash flow.

Furthermore, they suggest that the best help they’ll get will be from other self-employed and micro business owners and that they may need to avoid supplying big corporates as they’ll pay them after, an average, 80 days. In fact, this German/Tyke combo hardly recommend start-ups do any of the stuff most government spokespeople, glampreneurs and corporate leaders do.

So now you know why government get into bed with the celebs.

Yes, Ex-Minister,#MicroBizMatters!

Question Time

Just before I flew home to Canada I was asked by my inept agent, Tony Robinson OBE, to chair a ‘Question Time’ type debate at a large micro business conference in his home town of Scarborough.

Micro businesses (0-9 employees) are, apparently, quite important to the UK. There are 4.5 million of them and they comprise 96% of all businesses. There are up to 500,000 micro business new starts each year and newer micro businesses provide most of the new jobs and innovation. As it is, micro businesses provide a third of employment and a fifth of UK turnover.

With the right support over 80% of new micro businesses will survive over 3 years and 6% of these will become substantial employing businesses. The conference was the opportunity for micro business owners to tackle government and big company leaders on what they will do to ensure micro enterprise thrives in Britain.

The Panel

The panel comprised of Will Scoop, MD of WhoppaStores, Sir Harry Gantwitt, former Secretary of State for Business and now Adviser to Investment Banker, JK Sexangold, and Robinson himself.

The clueless Robinson, Co-Founder of the Enterprise Rockers, was standing in for Bernard Ogbrush, Shadow Minister for Transport, whose train had been delayed because of sun on the tracks.

It was all a bit of a rush actually. The former Secretary of State was keen to return south almost from setting foot in Scarborough. Apparently he’d been intimidated by the seagulls, not because of their rather fearsome looks – heavily muscled, bald, tattooed and pierced – but because of their bad language towards him. Gantwitt blamed their swearing on binge drinking and vowed to increase the price of alcohol in pubs and clubs.

It wasn’t going to be an easy session to Chair. Robinson was useless and Scoop had already said to me he wouldn’t be able to comment on anything to do with fuel, alcohol, adult skills or women. This was because Scoop was not only MD of the WhoppaStores supermarket chain but also Director of the BigPubCos Trade Club.

In addition he was Chair of the Apprenticeship Services and WhoppaStores holds the UK employer record for receiving the most skills training funding from government. Scoop was also Chair of the ‘Equal Pay for Women in the Private Sector with Women in the Public Sector’ Committee. Basically he was working with Government on ‘confidential to policymakers’ solutions’ to just about everything and so couldn’t comment on hardly anything.

Gantwitt was coming into the panel not having endeared himself to all the micro business owners in the room by saying that the government was powerless on fuel prices.

His words were: ‘I know it’s difficult for those of you in road haulage and man and van firms but you’ll appreciate we can’t affect the price of oil and what is happening thousands of miles away from Britain. We’ve got an excellent public transport system in London and we’ll just have to use it – it’s greener too’.

I think Gantwitt is wrong about binge drinking too. Any local will tell you that seagulls are stealth drinkers partaking in a bottle or two of Rioja every evening with their meal.

I wanted the Question Time over as soon as possible. These were three appalling men on the panel which I couldn’t be doing with. Also, I’d spotted a rather nice evening gown, by Gino Cerutti, in Frockabella and wanted to claim it before the shop shut.

The Discussion

The following is a transcript of a segment of the ‘Question Time’, which will interest readers of The Small Business Blog. The question they were answering was ‘Do the panel think that micro business owners got a fair deal in the recent Budget?’

Gantwitt: Most definitely. The incentives they need to grow, we gave them. Firstly, they can now borrow lots to grow their little businesses into proper Smeese that solve our transitory unemployment blip. In fact who knows some of them may even be able to borrow enough to supply WhoppaStores in the future (a minute’s laughter ensued between Scoop and Gantwitt).

Scoop: Just to underline Harry’s point there. The government’s loan guarantee website makes it clear they should save £50k on a £5 million loan.

Robinson: Would anyone like a glass of water?

Gantwitt: Secondly, we incentivised them to reward themselves with a decent wage on a par with many of our advisers, by removing the 50p tax rate on salaries over £150k. It was stopping real entrepreneurs being entrepreneurial both as managers in big companies and Smeese too.

Me – Soculitherz (pronounced So-cool-it-hurts): Some say most micro business owners, real entrepreneurs, don’t want loans this size and that loans well under £50,000 are needed plus there isn’t anyone in the room that can afford to pay themselves anywhere near the wages you’re talking about.

Scoop: I’d like to come to the former Secretary of State’s defence here. The government is encouraging owners of Smeese to seize their place at the bottom of the supply chain to companies like ours. Frankly, they won’t get there without significant investment and reserves too. After all, the average time large companies, like mine, take to pay the bills of little businesses is 80 days. We do that for a reason you know and that reason is only the fittest survive.

Robinson: Would anyone like an extra strong mint?

Me: But how can micro businesses survive when your supermarkets take all their business away?

Gantwitt: Can I repay the favour and answer that for Will, Chair. Look this isn’t a ‘size’ issue it’s a ‘management’ issue When I was Secretary of State, my advisers …… by the way, my advisers knew a lot about small business, they even had them in their home doing repairs and stuff. My advisers worked very closely with Bill’s Senior Management team and only had the highest praise for them.

Scoop: Absolutely Harry and we’re indebted to national, regional and local government for supporting and investing in our expansion. What these owners of these little businesses need to do is get trained in management and hire lots of cheap or subsidised by the government, staff.

Robinson: Has anyone got a pencil sharpener?

Gantwitt: Spot on Will. This management skills gap means we’re lagging behind our international competitors in productivity and diversification. If you have the skills then it doesn’t matter who you are … a butcher or baker or candlestickmaker … you’ll manage through WhoppaStores doing better and cheaper what you were doing and you’ll already have transitioned to say … a clothes shop…

Scoop: ….. we do clothes…

Gantwitt: … or mobile phones…

Scoop: …we do mobile phones…

Robinson: Did we all remember to switch our mobile phones off?

Gantwitt: …or hairdressing, insurance … you get my drift. Would you credit …

Scoop: …absolutely, Harry, driftwood we don’t do.

I was going to challenge them on how bad the budget and current government policies were for both self employed and employed women, especially for those with young children. Then I remembered that Scoop wouldn’t answer such questions, Gantwitt wouldn’t care and Robinson would just blush. The only way out of this mess for Britain is to appoint women to all the top jobs in Government, the City and the top 100 corporates. Job done.

So I wrapped it up and reminded the audience that my latest book Stripping for Freedom, despite being written with Robinson, was still selling well on Amazon.

———–ENDS ———–

Gurus with Forked Tongues

Today, I want to offer some advice to all my start up and micro-business owner fans on what advice not to take from silver tongued experts and gurus.

I’m on the train. I’ve been at my publishers in London checking on new cover designs for the third edition of ‘Stripping for Freedom’ and before that I attended an entrepreneurship conference. Unfortunately, I’m with my co-author, the hopeless Tony Robinson OBE. This accounts for the unusual over garments I’ve put on for the train journey. These include a sou’wester, a plastic mac, gloves and plenty of loo paper covering my shoes.

Regular readers will be pleased to know that I’m all French today. Namely, I’m dressed by Jean-Paul Gaultier and accessorised by Louis Vuitton. I’m shod, red soled, by Christian Louboutin plus I’ve a few random dabs of Chanel – pour la bonne chance.

The first reason I’m now covered up is Robinson will at some time try to open the Dairy Stix for his coffee and later, he will open his badly shaken bottle of Diet Coke. The second reason is that when he gets bored of watching YouTube videos of himself he will want to play his favourite ‘Buzzy Bee’ game with me. This involves him telling me to say to him ‘Buzzy bee, buzzy bee, have you any honey?’ He’ll then take a few mouthfuls of Diet Coke, holding the liquid in his mouth. I’ll say ‘Buzzy bee, buzzy bee, have you any honey?’ He’ll then spray Diet Coke all over me.

Now, back to my advice on what advice not to take from the many so-called small business experts and entrepreneurship gurus you may encounter at events:

1. Ignore anything that you cannot immediately see how you could make it work for your business. There is lots of advice, purported to be useful for ‘SMEs’, 99% of all businesses, which is clearly nonsense and straight from corporate gibberland. The advice doesn’t work for the 70% of all businesses that have no employees at all and 96% of all businesses with less than 10 employees where the owner just wants to earn a decent living and does all the important work themselves.

2. Ignore anything that sounds expensive. Serious entrepreneurs with serious businesses seem to make serious investments in all sorts of things that could leave you seriously overstretched. Most start-ups and micro biz owners risk their own money in their business but have no intention of building a major corporate entity, taking on major bank loans with guarantees and/or sharing their business with outside investors.

3. Ignore anything where the speaker is not telling you ‘how’ to do something but rather is advising you to pay someone just like them to give you some good advice. It seems to me that some of the entrepreneurs speaking at events actually make their money from advising businesses or from their celebrity and investing in others’ businesses. There seems little evidence that they know how to start and run their own micro-business.

Google the speaker’s name before you attend the conference. If they aren’t credible at knowing what it’s like to be doing what you do then skive off to Harvey Nicks – it’ll be a much better use of your time.

Finally, remember the Golden Soculitherz Rule, which I understand has been adopted by those crazy #Enterprise Rockers @EnterpriseRocks: ‘If you’re starting and running a micro-biz only take advice from someone who has started and run a micro-biz or is employed by someone who has started and run a micro-biz’

Women On Top

Women On Top

London Calling

As you all know my collaborator in writing the ‘funniest’ book on enterprise, ‘Stripping for Freedom’, (available from Amazon ) is the very unfunny Tony Robinson OBE. Robinson is my utterly incompetent UK agent.

From time to time I visit him to check he hasn’t destroyed my livelihood and life. I try to catch up with a big event or two at the same time to make the trip more palatable. I also like getting inspiration from the lifestyles of the rich and famous. This trip I took in Tony Blair’s £5.75 million Wotton Underwood home and Lord Mandelson’s £8 million Regents Park house. I also get an opportunity to see how the new working class, in enterprise and entrepreneurship, are doing too. My fab pointers on enterprise are in bold.

Never delegate the really important stuff, like selling, deal-making and your best customers to others. Outsource, including cloud software services, all the stuff that keeps you away from the really important stuff.

I now fly from Toronto to London and stay there. Robinson will never again entice me to his home town of Scarborough to sample either his preferred cuisine of fish, chips and mushy peas or his ‘just brill’ entertainment choice, the Chuckle Brothers. It is also not good for this Canadian fashionista to be seen with him and his fleece. Everyone in Scarborough wears a fleece – even the seagulls.

Just add style

Quelle Horreur! My first engagement was at the ATP World Tour Tennis Finals in the O2 arena. Who do I find myself sitting next to in my VIP, second row seats? The answer is ‘French footballers’. They were from ‘the Arsenal’, which apparently has a French manager named after the club. My fans know that I just love French stuff but footballers – mais non! Never trust as a business partner a man in shorts with a dodgy accent. In fact play safe – do not have a man as a business partner, whatever they’re wearing.

I was unlucky not to be seated next to a better class of celebrity. Four days later the seat next to me was occupied by the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. She’s a pretty girl but she must stop wearing Zara and Ralph Lauren – oh so predictable – and she really must get a good hairdresser. The footballers were there to support their compatriot Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, a yummy copy of a young Muhammad Ali, who was playing my fave, Rafa, all sulky silkiness. Always dress to impress, even on Skype, and your most essential accessory is a smile. Never be predictable in what you wear or when you smile as you’ll look like a banker or a politician – out of your depth, particularly in Brussels.

Naturally Rafa’s fans made all the noise but he played like a drain. He looked drained. Despite all his wealth and the very best advisers on physical and mental well-being, his entourage take up far too many of the best seats, he was, as you English say, ‘knackered’. Recognise that some days in your biz will be rubbish but that your greatest day could be next. All the great champions in sport and enterprise have amazing resilience in the face of tiredness, illness and other adversities. They just don’t take what you English call ‘sickies’.

Cutting Edge

The contrast between Rafa’s drive and match sharpness with that of the Fed Express, the eventual winner of the tournament, who I’d seen earlier, was remarkable. Federer picked up a cool £1.4m for remaining undefeated in the tournament, a repeat of his 2010 achievement. As my great friend, a Sioux Indian Witch Doctor, says ‘The secret of a successful rain dance is timing’

So when the stakes are highest, when the potential deal is the biggest, you need to be the best prepared, the earliest, the freshest, the best dressed and the most confident person at the meeting. It’s no surprise that the greatest tennis players of the last generation, the Williams sisters and Roger Federer, have the greatest presence and the most style on and off the court.

Bloodsuckers and Timewasters

The next morning I read about how your economy and society is being wrecked by the millionaire old boys clubs in the banks, big business and government. I also read how your BBC Sports Personality top ten contenders didn’t even feature one woman athlete. The reason Britain is a big mess for entrepreneurs and enterprise owners is because of corporate and institutional Boys Clubs.

As a small business owner and particularly in your vulnerable first 18 months of business, never rely on most of your income coming from one big corporate or institution.

You Brit women have to step up to the plate. There would have been no financial crisis in the first place if women had been at the top of the financial services industry. Women would have found out what was going on and stopped the insane gambling. Women must take over government and the banks. Start with Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan. Ex Government Ministers’ wives should stop their husbands and sons joining these dens of inequity. I’m sure if Boris, Cameron, Osborne and half the City Boys hadn’t had fags at school they’d have been better adjusted individuals and would have understood that your country is better off in Europe than drowning in the mid Atlantic. Mothers take the fags off them.

(To be continued.)

Noisy Neighbours

OMG.This is truly my last visit to to the UK and London. My publisher forced me here to do some talks to publicise the latest edition of my blockbuster on enterprise, ‘Stripping for Freedom’ (available on Amazon).

The visit started well as they put me in a nice house in St Johns Wood. Then at midnight I was woken by a terrible din. Apparently my neighbour is that old Beatle guy Sir Paul Macthingy and he was having a party to celebrate his latest wedding. As soon as they started singing ‘Yesterday’ I started getting depressed, so backward looking, and so I called the police.

Then my Blackberry went down. How is a fashionista and celebrity, like moi, going to earn a buck if she can’t get her e-mails or tweet. I’m out of here with Blackberry from now on – it’s an i-phone or HTC next – which is the coolest? Then the cold weather means I have to suffer seeing Brit men and women in their national costume of fleeces and leggings with ankle boots – pigs trotters – it is so wrong. The men look worse in them.

Anyway, the above seamlessly links to my enterprise tip of the week which is about style and technology. As a small business owner you mustn’t fall into the trap of using your time like corporate executives do. In corporate land, management is all about meetings, Kits, One2Ones, get-togethers, forums and water cooler moments. It’s the way these managers fill their working day to look busy and important and no-one can tell that they actually don’t do anything.

Small business owners are time poor and therefore many meetings and journeys to meet face to face are probably costing your business dearly. Make it a rule never to meet face to face unless you can see a financial return. For me this means if I’m not paid a fee then I need to make a sale or develop a client account. So say ‘No’ to most meetings and instead use Skype, e-mail, text and social media. If you’re using Skype make sure that you look professional and the background looks good too. I have my Jimmy Choos hanging on the wall behind me and never wear a fleece.

Finally, I see my fellow blogger has suggested you smile more. This is very good advice – no-one likes a miserable git. In order to develop a winning smile you’ll need to practice my Soculitherz patented speed smiling. This means you’ll be able to do 20 smiles in 20 seconds. Practice it in the mirror, on shiny shoes or in shop windows. You’ll see many of my followers doing it. How do you think David Cameron got to be your PM – brains or speed smiling?

Avoiding Snakes

You may have spotted me at the Balenciaga fashion show in Paris last week.  The front benches, which contain the A list celebs, collapsed. This  meant we all had to stand for ‘health and safety reasons’. This was good for me, as I was on the second row as an A minus celeb. It gave me a perfect view, of the stick insects, over the diminutive doll in front of me.

As I saw the startled VIPs, from the front row, on their miniature bottoms on the floor or scrambling uncertainly to their feet, I thought about the snakes and ladders of both celebrity and running your own business.

Just as you think you’ve made it, to the best seats in the house, something can bring you down again in an instant. When we start our businesses it’s all about avoiding the snakes who will offer us things we don’t need, like premises, cars, insurances and consultancy. Then when we’re finally established with a positive cash flow, it’s all about avoiding the snakes that want a piece of our action, like buyers, suppliers, staff and the financial services sector. These snakes not only sting they suck. They suck money and our most precious asset, and in short supply, time, out of our business

I’m just a successful, supercool, celebrity, fashionista that does a bit of investigative journalism about entrepreneurs on the side.  But I do know the answer to how you can avoid these snakes?

From well before you start your business build your own support network of a few friends and family, whose advice you can trust.  It’s best if most of them have started and run their own business. Then when the irreplaceable staff member blackmails you for a bonus, when the SEO consultant wants your arm and leg, when the big company buyer wants a contract that would leave you with only one customer and  when the bank rings you to offer you a great deal; you say ‘I’ll get back to you’. Then you phone your friend.

Q&A

Finally, in this blog I’ve offered to answer questions from my fans.  Robbie from Scarborough asked me to explain the importance of ‘self-handshakes’ from my ‘Awake the Volcano Within’ workshops for entrepreneurs.

Learn to shake hands with yourself.  This releases vital entrepreneurial energy from the right side of the brain. This in turn empowers the left side of the brain where dexterity, speed of thought and movement emanate from. You’ll solve problems quicker and just fly between meetings. Shake hands with yourself regularly, say 3 times an hour, and you’ll see fast results. You’ll be down to 5 minute client meetings and you’ll even leave the room with more business.

You’ll see David Cameron, your PM, shaking hands a lot, with himself, at the Tory party conference this week.

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