Mother’s Garden is more than a brand; it is a way of life.

All we that do – the books, the olive oil, the farm cottage holidays, the farm – have grown organically from the principles that fuelled our life change and independence all those years ago, and which we work very hard to sustain today. We wanted a foundation on which to focus on the importance of family, to find time and never wish it away, and to find a place where we could challenge ourselves to make a new life that would fulfil us.

And here is a key point, one factor that had the greatest bearing on whether, particularly in the early years, we would succeed or fail: To everyone among the many who asks how he or she can do likewise, we always stress the need to build on rock.

The analogy of our beautiful, ancient farmhouse is a good one for anyone thinking of starting out on their own in business, whether in a foreign country or where they are. It is built on rock. The house needed attention in 2000 (it still does), but the roof was sound and it had electrical and phone connections. It is on fertile Priorat land with a well and spring, close to a village, school, medical centre and a railway station, 40 minutes from the sea, Reus Airport and Tarragona, 1 hour and 30 minutes to Barcelona.

The core of our business – whatever it turned out to be – would rise from this foundation.

The fact that we had no set plans regarding income, other than the gross gamble of finding a publisher and a readership for my books, was “very brave”, some people have said. No. It was mad. We had no savings and in the first two years attempted to be as self-sufficient as possible, watering vegetables until nightfall while we brainstormed how best to water the seedlings of this adventure and somehow find a way for Mother’s Garden to bear a different sort of fruit.

We believed totally in the Mother’s Garden concept of living and we quickly appreciated how the wide interest in it was important. So the ideas of how to support ourselves came. We shared our experiences through two No Going Back television documentaries on Channel Four, created and registered a perfect brand logo of a fruitful tree from a drawing by our niece and our daughter, turned our burgeoning Latin farming and cuisine knowledge into an olive oil export business and we restored a derelict house on the farm into a holiday retreat for people from around the world.

In the coming weeks I will talk about our steep and ongoing learning curve regarding marketing, language, planning, brand building and growing, covering the obvious challenge of basing ourselves in a different country and all that means. I will be honest about our failings and will chronicle our advances.

Despite the years we remain an almost kitchen-table business, one that now needs to evolve, because the jigsaw has now become too large for that significant table. I am happy to share that journey with you. And if you would also like a less-business, more earthy account of this family life, see my blog at mothersgarden.org.

Most entrepreneurs I’ve met are looking for opportunities to make money all the time. If they followed the advice on these start up websites they wouldn’t just copy stuff and they’d be too late in getting the product or service to market and the opportunity would have gone.

Look at Loubi (Christian Louboutin to you), if he hadn’t read an article about a slashed out shoe with a red line, then thousands of rich women around the world wouldn’t have fallen off his killer heels to, legs in the air, show off his signature red soles.

Dear reader and fan, I want you to take a look at the mind of an entrepreneur. Let’s take one successful one, Stefan Topfer, Editor of this Small Business Blog and one unsuccessful one, the aforementioned aberration, Tony Robinson OBE. They have two things in common; they’re both badly dressed (fleeces – urgh) and they look for business opportunities all the time.

The Recycling Opportunity

So, yesterday, Robinson rang Topfer and the conversation went like this:

Robinson: I’ve just seen on the BBC News site that a scientist has proven that giant dinosaurs could have warmed the earth with their flatulence.
Topfer: Ja – I mean, so?
Robinson: Well, where is the equivalent place today where hundreds of dinosaurs, produce masses of hot air?
Topfer: In your House of Commons and House of Lords?
Robinson: Precisely and why will this supply of huge volumes of hot air continue ad infinitum?
Topfer: Would that be because it is mainly a boys club eating vast quantities of posh nosh provided by the City and the top 100 CEOs and one or two media moguls.
Robinson: Yeah that and their humongous expense accounts that they can spend on Big Macs and pasties. It makes you feel good to know that we can now recycle all that dinosaur fuel for the benefit of the people.
Topfer: Ja, I mean nein, I mean how?
Robinson: You’re fab at technology, do the math and turn Parliament into a massive great hot air heater channelling warmth into the council housing, parks, stations and shop doorways where those with no dosh to pay for heating live.

I won’t carry on – as Topfer told Robinson never to speak to him again. The point is that here are two dinosaurs discussing a business opportunity that utilises a source of natural energy that has been available for thousands of years. There’s nothing original here apart from the possible opportunity.

Stuff to ignore

So ignore the stuff on websites that is ‘conventional business guidance’. ‘How to come up with a great business idea?’, ‘How to pitch your idea to investors?’, ‘Getting finance’ ‘There’s a business in you’, ‘What needs to be in your business plan?’, ‘Get a mentor from a Bank or Corporate’ and ‘How to sell’. the enterprise essentials are much less complicated and far more common sense and natural than this guidance.

Most successful entrepreneurs that I’ve interviewed haven’t done any of the things that are regarded as ‘good business practice’. Most don’t like borrowing money, especially from banks. Their business planning is always in their head. Most of them are action rather than words people. They often copy and improve other people’s ideas and activities like crazy. The point is that time is money and opportunities come and go and they can’t be wasting time on this theoretical business stuff.

Instead, my advice to a start up, from my award winning series of entrepreneur interviews (see my book ‘Stripping for Freedom’) is:

Look for what customers want and are buying that you’d relish providing too.
Then, preferably by bootstrapping, check that you can afford to produce it as a product or service.
Then test market your product or service with its ‘twist’, like Louboutin’s red sole or, more likely, with an additional service that the competition aren’t providing.
Then from what you have learned launch your new business always remembering that you may need more products and services or even businesses to make the earnings you need to make.

Let’s Twist Again

This ‘copying and improving with a twist’ is important to the success of many entrepreneurs.

For example, the unique ‘twist’ that Stefan Topfer achieves with WinWeb is that he is absolutely passionate about beating the global competition not just by great cloud software and infrastructure but with exceptional customer service too. His customer service people are mentors. He’ll sack people that ‘sell’ his products and services as he believes in the customer buying what they choose that is absolutely right for them.

The great news is that everyone starting a business on their own can provide their own ‘twist’, a unique level of service, to support a product or service that customers already understand, want and need. Just get your offer out there as quickly as you can after testing it.

-Finis-

Option 1. using independent contractors/freelancers/other micro-businesses
Option 2. taking on partners or if you’re a limited company or social enterprise, other directors.

OK so I know that my two preferred options fly in the face of government advice, guru advice and business school advice which urges you to grow your business by taking on employees, particularly qualified business managers and leaders, but to me it is all a question of risk. My two options are risky but I believe, if negotiated and managed carefully, are not as risky as taking on a senior employee.

As my businesses have always been B2B service businesses my main worry and focus has always been winning and keeping customers. In over 26 years of starting and running my own businesses I’ve got a better track record of winning and keeping customers using my two alternative options than I have with employees, as executives and managers, however well trained. Most are fine but it’s the ones that are not fine that have proved deadly to our customers, our income, our profitability and most of all our own morale.

The main advantage of option 1 – independent contractors is that you retain total control of your business, it is flexible, it is a service agreement which is easier to manage in time and money than an employment contract with the associated regulations and it is a tap of skilled resource that you can turn on and off dependant on your workload and you don’t have all the associated on costs of employees including purchasing equipment.

Because most contractors/micro businesses want to continue being contracted in the future I find they become like partners of our business and we grow our businesses together. For example I have worked with the same contract trainers and the same designers and developers of learning media for over 20 years. We all pay each other on time too – as soon as we possibly can.

The main disadvantage of this option is that it can play havoc with your margin. However if you go for a very high quality and unique service you may be able to ensure the price you charge covers using contractors and remains competitive.

The main advantage of option 2 – taking on partners/directors – is that it is bootstrapping par excellence. Let me explain; I recently entered a business ‘to what do you owe the secret of your success?’ competition. My answer was ‘my business partner of 26 years, Clare Francis’.

We both invested time and money in our business, we’ll work whatever hours, whenever, in order to succeed. When times were hard we didn’t take money out of the business. We never needed status perks like employees ask for.

We are equally passionate about our customers and our offer to these customers, so much so than many are now friends too. We have complementary but different skills and most of all we trust each other – so implicitly that we don’t have to waste time overseeing each other.

I just love successful business partnerships and believe they are responsible for more successful start ups growing into substantial micro businesses than any other single factor.

My business partner Clare and her husband, Charles, also managed a very successful family business. Indeed, many of my successful micro business owner friends, who say they are going it alone aren’t really. They often, have a spouse or partner, beavering away in the background supporting the business and often holding down a job in the early stages of the start up in order to bring in family income.

Partnerships are my preferred option but it is as tough and careful a decision as deciding to live with someone.

Trust and passion is everything, in my opinion, to success in your own enterprise. This total trust and passion is there with my co-founder of the Enterprise Rockers, Tina Boden, and all the wonderful band leaders of our movement.

We trust each other so much and share the same passion that we’re all putting our own biz money and time, for no return yet, into making it all work.

So, before you do as the gurus recommend and take on a senior employee, do consider whether you’d be better using independent contractors or taking on a partner.

Keep up won’t you; I’m not asking you to actually sleep with the celebs. I don’t allow anyone to sleep with me. Simon Cowell’s unofficial biography mentioned Dannii Minogue but not me. Yet, coincidentally, I also have a chic shorter ‘do and a couple of designer frocks with an of-the-moment statement shoulder.

No, what I want you to do is consider why government folk, like your Brit Prime Minister, David Cameron, choose celebrities and big company chiefs to advise them on promoting and supporting business start-ups. Put it another way: why don’t your government ask people who have started and are currently running micro businesses to advise them on enterprise policies?

For example, they could use Stefan Topfer instead. Stefan is the Editor of The Small Business Blog and is a highly successful entrepreneur. Then there’s my hopeless agent and highly unsuccessful entrepreneur, who still knows a thing or two about starting and running micro businesses, Tony Robinson OBE.

Not about self-employment

The answer to my question is ‘charisma’. This is something the glampreneurs and fat cats have but the aforementioned German and Yorkshireman do not. Perhaps they’re messy eaters too, especially with posh nosh. You see your government like to portray starting your own business as something anyone can do. In fact they want everyone to do it whilst the big corporates, that are running the country, lay off thousands of employees. It makes the unemployment figures look acceptable.

Furthermore, the Banks and Big Companies want the 6% of start-ups that become substantial businesses as their customers and the glampreneurs want to sell all the start-ups their books and events.

It is about aspiration

Celebrity spokespeople will stay ‘on message’ for government. On message is that entrepreneurs are sexy and wealthy but the self-employed are the great unwashed. On message is that successful start-ups need to invest in financial services (loans, insurance and pensions), utilities, technology, and management and business skills – plus have a volunteer mentor, who may not have started and run their own business, on their shoulder.

Government and corporate leaders legitimise these messages about enterprise, such as, ‘Business in You’, as important for ‘trough filling’. The trough is filled with lots of dosh from start ups buying lots from big companies, taxation and lack of pay out to the welfare state and corporate social responsibility. The public sector and big company leaders keep filling the trough even as they lay off thousands of their employees.

Off message

Business owners, like Stefan Topfer and Tony Robinson OBE, recommend an alternative approach which is that people starting a business are best to bootstrap, test trade, not borrow, and should spend most of their personal time winning customers and managing cash flow.

Furthermore, they suggest that the best help they’ll get will be from other self-employed and micro business owners and that they may need to avoid supplying big corporates as they’ll pay them after, an average, 80 days. In fact, this German/Tyke combo hardly recommend start-ups do any of the stuff most government spokespeople, glampreneurs and corporate leaders do.

So now you know why government get into bed with the celebs.

There is a better way of getting help than from Government and Big Company funded start up and micro business support programmes. That’s not to say we don’t want their help and a lot of these free offers of help are good and needed.

Many of my friends and colleagues that are excellent micro business advisers and mentors give their time free to help on many of these programmes. However, whether you get one of these excellent advisers and mentors is a lottery.

Not all help is good for you and your business.

It shouldn’t be pot luck as to whether you get good help or not. In fact some of the help on offer, sadly, should carry a health and wealth warning.

UK examples of stuff that may be ‘Hot or Not’

For example, in the UK we’ve got a plethora of government backed initiatives, often with Big Company offers, designed to help start-ups and small businesses, such as ‘There’s a Business in You’; ‘Start Up Britain’; ‘LEPs’; ‘College start up courses ’; ‘Business Link’; ‘Mentorsme’ and ‘Self-employment programmes through A4e and other major welfare to work providers’.

On top of this there are lots of awards and business pitch competitions sponsored by Big Companies where the winner will get money plus help from a corporate executive or TV celebrity entrepreneur as part of the ‘prize’.

Beware The Know It All Executive

For 26 years now, along with hundreds of other business owners, I’ve warned against the many advisers that think because they’ve been in a senior management job and had some training in coaching, advising, consulting or mentoring that they possess the know how to support start-ups and micro-business owners.

Starting and running your own micro enterprise is not, primarily, about formal research, planning, loans and management skills. Indeed, most corporate managers are lost without a formal business plan, a budget with money to spend already there and some staff.

Worse still, many of the people that design the start-up or micro business owner support programme or competition, that these corporate executives will act as advisers or mentors for, have no experience of starting or running their own micro enterprise.

Blind Alleys

It is the blind leading the blind as no-one knows, including the prospective or existing micro business owner, whether it is useful or dangerous help being offered. Even the big company product and service discounts that are part of the support or prize package may be stuff that you don’t need and may be very unhelpful to getting on with the business of winning and keeping customers.

As Lord Alan Sugar says ‘The last thing you want is government interfering in business because they don’t know what they’re doing. What you want is for them to create a level playing field’

The Better Way

So, recognising that many start-ups may not be able to pay for micro business owner friendly, professional advice what is my better way.

Only allow yourself to be advised, coached, trained or mentored by someone that other micro business owners can vouch for.

Always ask the adviser or mentor at the very first meeting what experience they have of starting and running a micro business (0-9 employees) and if you’re not convinced ask for someone else to help you that other micro business owners can also vouch for.

The Rocking Better Way

As you may know, I’m a co-founder of what will be the biggest self-help community of micro business owners in the world – the Enterprise Rockers.

We help each other to, as Lord Sugar recommends Government should do, level the playing field. No obstacles to our opportunity to succeed. We also trade with each other and help each identify what does help us and what doesn’t.

If you’ve started and registered your business -join our movement and ask other micro business owners what and who is best to help you to survive and thrive. You’ll find that the best helpers are Enterprise Rockers too.

In addition and coming soon , if you can afford to pay for professional advice, the Enterprise Rockers are creating a directory of micro business friendly, proven, practical, professionals. They’ve all started and run their own micro businesses. Our directory will be called SpeedBizSolutions and it takes the risk out of those times you’re looking for an independent professional to help you and your business.

There’ll be free help too if you’re not sure what you’re looking for. See you in the Rockers!

I can’t help but wonder where it all went wrong?

Business has always been surrounded by advisors, who could have helped, their accountants. Why this need for all this mentoring and consulting?

Reading a story on the WinWeb Business Blog and following discussions in the LinkedIn Accounting Group like “Do Accountants Still Matter?” and “How do you become a Trusted Advisor both within a company and to external customers/clients?”, you know something is very wrong!

SMEs/SMBs need support from many quarters, but financial planning has to rank as one of the highest. Why are so many accountants hiding behind their desks and tax calculators, instead of going out to help their clients to survive and prosper? It would be good for their own business, too. Is the fascination of a beautifully completed tax return so great, that accountants forget about the business future of their clients? Are they actually working for their clients or are they working for the IRS or HMRC?

Every business owner needs to look for more than a bean counting historian, when it comes to doing your financial books and tax returns. History will teach you lessons, if you understand how to read your companies financial history, that is! Learning these lessons and planning for the future accordingly, needs a ‘working’ relationship with your accountant.

Do you have a ‘working relationship’ with your accountant? Or are you in the accounting profession, how do you work with your clients? Let me know…

PS.: It is good that some accountants are beginning to ask the right questions, as mentioned above. Is there hope yet?

No, seriously – it got me thinking about the whole life journey thing, what makes it interesting and what gives it meaning? It being Easter (obviously not enough work and too much time on my hands), I began to think about my own life and why I do what I do or more to the point why I love what I do? Let’s face it why else would you want to do anything otherwise, right?

“

I love life because what more is there!
~ Anthony Hopkins

I am spending my days with my family, friends and you my readers, clients and business partners. I guess, it is obvious why I am spending time with my loved ones – family and friends.

The interesting question here is, why am I spending my days with you, my readers, my customers and business partners?

All of you have one thing in common – you all run or manage businesses. When I get in contact with any of you, you will tell me what you want or what you need, what your dreams and plans for your future are and why you do what you do. You are shaping the future not only of your life and business, but also of the people you work with, of new products and services and the life of your customers.

That is what I love about my job, I am in contact with you, people who have a plan and an agenda, always. That is interesting, often exiting and always full of promise for the future.

For me, running a business means – ‘Life Is In Session’!

Do you have an up-to-date business plan?
A business plan is essential if you’re planning on raising any kind of finance (venture, angel, bank etc.) and an up-to-date one including cash flow projections and other financials (see below) is essential.

Do you have up-to-date and detailed financial forecasts for your business over the next 3-5 years?
As part of your business plan you will definitely need detailed financial forecasts for your business over the next 3-5 years if you are serious about securing external investment. Investors will want to see exactly when they can expect a return on investment (normally within this time-frame) so if you can’t demonstrate that through your financials you may need to go back to the drawing board on your business model. As a starting point for putting these types of financials together, make sure the figures are backed up with solid, reliable research on projected growth of your company, future demand of your product/service, and current and future growth of your target market.

Do you have a clear idea as to what you will do with the money that will be invested in your business?
Sounds obvious but surprising how many businesses think it’ll be great to have £80k investment without a clear plan as to what the money will be spent on. Simply generalising that £x will be spent on  ’marketing’ or ‘product development’ is not sufficient to reassure potential investors that you’re not going to just fritter their money away or pay yourself a big fat salary! Take time to focus and think strategically about where you want your business to be and how the money will help you move towards that goal. Always research your costings and put detail on your spending plans to demonstrate a thorough and professional approach to the business.

Does your management team have credible and relevant business experience including industry knowledge where applicable?
External investors such as Business Angels and Venture Capitalists will look at your management team to work out where the strengths and weaknesses lie and whether as a team you will be able to deliver the plans and grow the business. Even though you may feel your team has good all round business experience, you may want to think about ways to add credibility, complementary experiences, industry knowledge and networks to that team through for example the appointment of a Non-Executive Director.

The other area to consider is how you articulate the entrepreneurial skills and attitudes of your team. This will be of particular interest to external investors who will always want to know more about the people who are going to be delivering the business plan.

Do you have a clear exit strategy for your business?
Venture Capitalists in particular are keen on clear exit strategies within a specific time frame. They usually look to invest in high-growth companies with a clear growth and/or exit strategy such as sale or IPO. If you are still unclear about your exit strategy then Business Angels may be a better option to explore however it is worthwhile spending time thinking about where you see the business in 3-5 years’ time, possible exit routes and what needs to be in place to achieve any of these.

Do you have experience of ‘pitching’ your business to investors?
‘Pitching’ to investors is something anyone who is seriously considering equity finance is going to have to get to grips with. I’d be lying if I said it was a piece of cake, but if you are passionate about your business, and have a solid business plan behind you then you’re halfway there. You may be put off pitching by some of the experiences you have seen on programmes such as Dragon’s Den but these are not necessarily a true reflection of live pitching, rather selective snippets of ‘reality TV’ combined with a certain amount of ‘entertainment value’. There are some excellent resources available to support and inspire you as you prepare to pitch and of course a business mentor or coach will be able to provide some short-term support in this area too.

If you’ve worked through the answers to these questions and feel that securing equity investment in your business is not for you, take time to evaluate alternatives such as the increasingly popular Crowdfunding. I’ve written more about this on an earlier post.

Disclaimer
Anyone considering Equity Finance should be aware that there are many complex legal and regulatory issues relating to raising finance in this way and professional advice should always be sought. Please be aware that content here does not constitute specific legal or business advice nor should it be taken as such and you are strongly advised to consult an appropriate professional adviser before making any decisions and/or financial commitments.

I always chuckle to myself when big companies that sponsor awards to start up and existing small business give, as part of the prize, mentoring or advice from a senior executive in their company. Perhaps it is no laughing matter.

Firstly, it’s arrogant to assume that starting and running a micro enterprise is so easy that someone without any experience of doing it, just because they’re a top corporate executive, can offer useful help. Start ups and micro enterprises are not boiled down versions of corporates!

Secondly, because the fledgling micro business owner doesn’t know what is good and what is bad support they could implement something that turns out to be the kiss of death to their business.

A colleague, Robert Craven, has just written a blog describing how a potential start up lost their redundancy money to unscrupulous ‘support’ providers. How were they to know that they were being conned? One of the reasons we founded the Enterprise Rockers movement is that we felt that a massive community, ‘the power of plenty’, of micro business owners could be self sufficient and we could sort out the wheat from the chaff.

It is important that we do sort out what’s good and valuable from the vultures and the ‘well intentioned but dangerous’. The right micro business to micro business support will lead to 80% of start ups surviving over 3 years with 6% becoming substantial, employing businesses. Essential enterprise skills and know how make all the difference to success. So, it is worth seeking help.

We should encourage prospective and existing business owners to continue to learn and to continue to seek support.

We never know all about enterprise

Twenty four years ago when my business partner, Clare Francis, and I were nearly two years into our business we learned something that saved us from the scrap heap. It was incredibly simple and it was learned by watching videos of our influencing, selling and presenting.

Not only was our product and service offer usually wrong we were often presenting offers without having really found out what our potential clients wanted. Frankly we were desperate to make a sale and no-one wants to buy from people as desperate as we were. We weren’t unskilled. We’d both done postgraduate business courses and we’d both been at Director level in UK subsidiaries of American multinationals. We’d been superbly trained but not on how to start and succeed in our own business.

What I learned this week-end

This week-end I was at the FSB Annual Conference in Scarborough. On top of my membership fee I paid another £100 to participate in the events during the day. My prediction is that these two days were worth thousands of pounds to me in future earnings and hundreds of hours saved of wasted effort.

The three things I learned were:

1. How to improve my use of Linked In so that I can influence someone I wish to make contact with to speak to me. I learned this from the brilliant presentation of Andy Lopata.

2. How it may be worth resetting your goals in a different way if you get stuck in a rut and are not improving your performance. I learned this from the inspirational Roger Black, former Olympic silver medallist, who got silver by focussing on running his perfect race rather than seeking to beat his competitors.

3. This third one is a bit of a cheat because I didn’t learn this at the Conference. On the Saturday lunchtime, co-founder of Enterprise Rockers, Tina Boden, and I met the supremely wise, Andy Peers. Andy is one of the foremost experts in setting up and running social enterprises. I’m certain that everything he advised Tina and I to do will mean we do get over 500,000 micro business owners in our Enterprise Rockers movement. We will make Britain a fairer and better place for micro enterprise.

So, maybe we ‘get the Enterprise T shirt’ for having started and run our own business, but we never truly have fully earned it. That’s because we must keep learning from others and seeking the right kind of support in order to survive and thrive. .

It’s motivating and good fun too. Keep learning.

———- ENDS ———-

Just before I flew home to Canada I was asked by my inept agent, Tony Robinson OBE, to chair a ‘Question Time’ type debate at a large micro business conference in his home town of Scarborough.

Micro businesses (0-9 employees) are, apparently, quite important to the UK. There are 4.5 million of them and they comprise 96% of all businesses. There are up to 500,000 micro business new starts each year and newer micro businesses provide most of the new jobs and innovation. As it is, micro businesses provide a third of employment and a fifth of UK turnover.

With the right support over 80% of new micro businesses will survive over 3 years and 6% of these will become substantial employing businesses. The conference was the opportunity for micro business owners to tackle government and big company leaders on what they will do to ensure micro enterprise thrives in Britain.

The Panel

The panel comprised of Will Scoop, MD of WhoppaStores, Sir Harry Gantwitt, former Secretary of State for Business and now Adviser to Investment Banker, JK Sexangold, and Robinson himself.

The clueless Robinson, Co-Founder of the Enterprise Rockers, was standing in for Bernard Ogbrush, Shadow Minister for Transport, whose train had been delayed because of sun on the tracks.

It was all a bit of a rush actually. The former Secretary of State was keen to return south almost from setting foot in Scarborough. Apparently he’d been intimidated by the seagulls, not because of their rather fearsome looks – heavily muscled, bald, tattooed and pierced – but because of their bad language towards him. Gantwitt blamed their swearing on binge drinking and vowed to increase the price of alcohol in pubs and clubs.

It wasn’t going to be an easy session to Chair. Robinson was useless and Scoop had already said to me he wouldn’t be able to comment on anything to do with fuel, alcohol, adult skills or women. This was because Scoop was not only MD of the WhoppaStores supermarket chain but also Director of the BigPubCos Trade Club.

In addition he was Chair of the Apprenticeship Services and WhoppaStores holds the UK employer record for receiving the most skills training funding from government. Scoop was also Chair of the ‘Equal Pay for Women in the Private Sector with Women in the Public Sector’ Committee. Basically he was working with Government on ‘confidential to policymakers’ solutions’ to just about everything and so couldn’t comment on hardly anything.

Gantwitt was coming into the panel not having endeared himself to all the micro business owners in the room by saying that the government was powerless on fuel prices.

His words were: ‘I know it’s difficult for those of you in road haulage and man and van firms but you’ll appreciate we can’t affect the price of oil and what is happening thousands of miles away from Britain. We’ve got an excellent public transport system in London and we’ll just have to use it – it’s greener too’.

I think Gantwitt is wrong about binge drinking too. Any local will tell you that seagulls are stealth drinkers partaking in a bottle or two of Rioja every evening with their meal.

I wanted the Question Time over as soon as possible. These were three appalling men on the panel which I couldn’t be doing with. Also, I’d spotted a rather nice evening gown, by Gino Cerutti, in Frockabella and wanted to claim it before the shop shut.

The Discussion

The following is a transcript of a segment of the ‘Question Time’, which will interest readers of The Small Business Blog. The question they were answering was ‘Do the panel think that micro business owners got a fair deal in the recent Budget?’

Gantwitt: Most definitely. The incentives they need to grow, we gave them. Firstly, they can now borrow lots to grow their little businesses into proper Smeese that solve our transitory unemployment blip. In fact who knows some of them may even be able to borrow enough to supply WhoppaStores in the future (a minute’s laughter ensued between Scoop and Gantwitt).

Scoop: Just to underline Harry’s point there. The government’s loan guarantee website makes it clear they should save £50k on a £5 million loan.

Robinson: Would anyone like a glass of water?

Gantwitt: Secondly, we incentivised them to reward themselves with a decent wage on a par with many of our advisers, by removing the 50p tax rate on salaries over £150k. It was stopping real entrepreneurs being entrepreneurial both as managers in big companies and Smeese too.

Me – Soculitherz (pronounced So-cool-it-hurts): Some say most micro business owners, real entrepreneurs, don’t want loans this size and that loans well under £50,000 are needed plus there isn’t anyone in the room that can afford to pay themselves anywhere near the wages you’re talking about.

Scoop: I’d like to come to the former Secretary of State’s defence here. The government is encouraging owners of Smeese to seize their place at the bottom of the supply chain to companies like ours. Frankly, they won’t get there without significant investment and reserves too. After all, the average time large companies, like mine, take to pay the bills of little businesses is 80 days. We do that for a reason you know and that reason is only the fittest survive.

Robinson: Would anyone like an extra strong mint?

Me: But how can micro businesses survive when your supermarkets take all their business away?

Gantwitt: Can I repay the favour and answer that for Will, Chair. Look this isn’t a ‘size’ issue it’s a ‘management’ issue When I was Secretary of State, my advisers …… by the way, my advisers knew a lot about small business, they even had them in their home doing repairs and stuff. My advisers worked very closely with Bill’s Senior Management team and only had the highest praise for them.

Scoop: Absolutely Harry and we’re indebted to national, regional and local government for supporting and investing in our expansion. What these owners of these little businesses need to do is get trained in management and hire lots of cheap or subsidised by the government, staff.

Robinson: Has anyone got a pencil sharpener?

Gantwitt: Spot on Will. This management skills gap means we’re lagging behind our international competitors in productivity and diversification. If you have the skills then it doesn’t matter who you are … a butcher or baker or candlestickmaker … you’ll manage through WhoppaStores doing better and cheaper what you were doing and you’ll already have transitioned to say … a clothes shop…

Scoop: ….. we do clothes…

Gantwitt: … or mobile phones…

Scoop: …we do mobile phones…

Robinson: Did we all remember to switch our mobile phones off?

Gantwitt: …or hairdressing, insurance … you get my drift. Would you credit …

Scoop: …absolutely, Harry, driftwood we don’t do.

I was going to challenge them on how bad the budget and current government policies were for both self employed and employed women, especially for those with young children. Then I remembered that Scoop wouldn’t answer such questions, Gantwitt wouldn’t care and Robinson would just blush. The only way out of this mess for Britain is to appoint women to all the top jobs in Government, the City and the top 100 corporates. Job done.

So I wrapped it up and reminded the audience that my latest book ‘Stripping for Freedom‘, despite being written with Robinson, was still selling well on Amazon.

———–ENDS ———–